Such A Tease
by potionsmaster
Summary: Shepard needs help fixing a laptop. Kaidan gets roped into it. PWP again. Doesn't really fit anywhere, in particular. ME3 on the Normandy after the relationship is official. Probably before Citadel DLC. *shrugs* Either way, it is pure wish fulfillment. Part 3 of the Normandy Standard of Normal


_**Such A Tease,**_ by potionsmaster

Rating: M for adult content, sitch-iations, m/m action. Word, lol.

A/N: For bagog. Happy birfday, love. It's all your fault. :) I just wanted you to know that.

* * *

Kaidan frowned at the laptop resting on the coffee table, legs tucked up and crossed on the couch in the captain's cabin. He was wearing Shepard's black pajama bottoms with a giant N7 emblazoned vertically on the right leg. They were ever-so-slightly too long in the leg and he liked it that way; they conveniently covered his feet to keep him warmer in the climate controlled space when he wanted to go barefoot. He didn't care that they didn't match his blue Alliance zip-up hoodie. It was all about comfort today; he had a rare day off duty and no ground missions, either.

What he couldn't figure out was why he let Shepard rope him into this hunk of junk project.

"Who the hell wants to refurbish an ancient machine, anyway?" he grumbled to himself as he typed lines of code on the archaic keyboard. It was a lesson in frustration; the ' _e_ ', ' _l_ ', ' _o_ ', ' _d_ ' keys, and ' _space_ ' bar all needed to be pounded repeatedly in order to produce a single character. He felt the beginnings of a headache in his temples as he smacked the keys, exasperated.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...what'd it ever do to you?" Shepard had managed to sneak in the cabin, walking down the stairs and past the blue glow of the fish tank. Kaidan glanced up at him briefly, then turned his attention back to the cranky machine. The commander looked rather dapper in his dress blue tunic; he'd had a vid conference with the Alliance brass and needed to look professional; he stayed in his fatigues and N7 hoodie whenever he could otherwise.

"Oh, nothing...the operating system is older than dirt, the guts are older still, and the damn-key _-board-is-stick-ing_ ," he said in clipped tones through clenched teeth. He punctuated each word by stabbing the keys one by one. Shepard smirked at that.

"Sticky, huh?"

"Yep...mah keybaord ish schticky," Kaidan rubbed a hand across his eyes tiredly, "What I wouldn't give for a haptic interface right about now..." Shepard flopped next to him on the couch, knees bumping together.

"And how did it become 'schticky', hmm?" he asked playfully as he put a hand around Kaidan's head, drawing it to him for a small kiss pressed to the biotic's temple. Kaidan gave him a swat on the chest and side-long glance.

"Your guess is as good as mine. This is what happens when you buy equipment to refurbish it. It tends to be run down and used."

"Hmph. That wasn't nearly as entertaining as I hoped it would be..."

Shepard was rewarded with another smack against his chest. He laughed. "Ow..."

"You're incorrigible..."

"Always," Shepard said, getting off the couch with a little huff from the effort, "but especially with you." He started to unbutton the top of his dress uniform. Kaidan watched him a moment, then turned his attention back to the laptop with a sigh. Shepard moved back up the stairs to his private terminal, still fingering the buttons and clasps around his collar. He pulled his dog tags out from underneath the stiff cloth as he moved.

"The problem with really old OS and the platforms that run them...is...is, um...is that..."

Kaidan trailed off as the motion captured his attention again. Shepard peered over the top of his monitor through the glass model ship case at Kaidan, amused. The major had a small smile hovering on his lips, a hint of suggestion glinting in his dark eyes as he gave Shepard a once-over. The commander cocked his head to the side, quirking an eyebrow at his partner.

"Lose your train of thought? You're getting senile in your old age..."

"Naw. I'm just getting distracted."

"By?"

"I wonder..." Kaidan's voice dropped an octave. A knowing smirk started to spread slowly across the commander's face. He thumbed his monitor off and grabbed the desk chair, moving back down the stairs.

"So what were you saying? Something about old operating systems?"

"Mmm. They're very, uh...difficult to manage."

Shepard plunked the chair down backwards in front of the laptop, straddling it. He leaned against the back of it, draping his arms in a deliberately careless manner. Kaidan narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, really? Tell me more."

"Well, running a program, it's very...um. _Long_..." he coughed lightly, "Takes a long time, I mean." Shepard locked eyes with him, blue meeting brown, while continuing to slowly unbutton his tunic one-handed.

"Interesting."

"I'm sure you're fascinated. Running any program on them is a very _hard_ process..."

"You know all about that, do you?"

"Mm-hmm. It's such a _long_ , _hard_ process, Shepard, and it's also very _slow._ In it's execution of the program, I mean...it takes its time."

Shepard shot a half-grin at Kaidan, then stood up, the chair still between his legs. He slid his arms out of the dress tunic, eyes remaining locked with the major's. Kaidan inhaled sharply as the jacket slithered off Shepard's shoulders and pooled on the ground beside him. The commander was in his A – shirt and dress uniform pants. Kaidan hummed his approval, appreciating the view in front of him. He felt a drop of anticipation hit the pit of his stomach and start spreading. Shepard's half-smile grew into a devious smirk as he popped the button to his pants and left it. The major closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head as if he needed to clear it.

"Carry on, Major. I need the debrief on the long and hard processes for our laptop."

Kaidan's eyes snapped open. Shepard was running a hand down his taut stomach and along the zipper of his pants. He ended with his hand cupping himself.

"Oh, I can debrief you, alright. Wouldn't want your briefs to get 'schticky', after all."

Shepard gave a snort.

"Don't make promises you don't intend to keep, Major."

He unzipped the pants and moved off the chair, turning it around. Kaidan chuckled.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Shep -" He was interrupted by his partner pulling him to his feet, lips crushed against his, tongue licking the crease in his mouth, begging entrance. Kaidan complied, wrapping his arms around the lithe frame of the younger man. His hands found the waistband of the unbuttoned pants loose and started to roll them down. Shepard broke off from the kiss and batted Kaidan's hands away gently.

"Uh-uh...you need to fix the laptop before you can 'fix' the top of my lap."

Kaidan rolled his eyes and groaned at the pun, sliding a warm hand on the point of the commander's waist.

"It'll keep, Shepard. You think it's going to grow legs and walk away?"

" _Some_ thing's growing...but no, you need to concentrate." He gazed at the major slyly, tongue playing with the point of one of his canines. Kaidan gave an abrupt laugh and advanced towards Shepard. Shepard took a few steps back, staying out of kissing range. Kaidan's hand fell away.

" _Right_. Because I _always_ think _so_ much better with your pants around your ankles, you heathen...Such a tease..."

Kaidan snatched at Shepard's tags and slowly wound the chain around his hand, crooking a finger at him with the other. He looked at the commander through the black lace of his eyelashes, doing his best _come hither_ look. Shepard groaned as he was drawn in, pants starting to slide down his thighs as he stumbled forward.

"You make a valid point, Major."

Kaidan hummed as the distance was closed between them, Shepard's slender hands finding a grip on the pajama bottoms. Their lips met and Kaidan pressed his hips forward into his partner's, seeking friction.

"So do you, Shep..."

He rolled his hips against the commander's again to illustrate it. A strangled moan came from Shepard as he kicked his legs in an effort to lose his pants. They got tangled around his boots. Kaidan chuckled as he put a hand on Shepard's chest, pushing him back on the chair. The commander landed heavily, cheeks and lips flushed. The biotic sank to his knees, pulling off Shepard's boots and sliding his pants the rest of the way down. He grabbed the tunic and shook out the wrinkles, glancing back at Shepard as he made to hang up the uniform.

"Yes, but I can _clearly_ see yours."

He nodded to the tented front of the pajama bottoms. Kaidan threw a sultry look over his shoulder as he put the uniform away, then stalked back to the seated commander.

"Mmm...Perhaps I need to drive the point home?"

Shepard growled at him as he grabbed the major's waist band, yanking him onto his lap. Kaidan happily hooked his legs around the chair, shifting himself. The commander slipped his hands down the back of the pajama pants and exhaled sharply, burying his face in Kaidan's shoulder.

"No underwear? Jeezuz- _fuck_ , K...the things you do to me..."

He grasped Kaidan's buttocks and pulled him tight, kneading the muscle as he ground himself against him. The biotic huffed a gentle laugh as he rocked his hips against Shepard. He tipped his head to the side as Shepard licked and sucked his way up Kaidan's neck to his ear.

" _For_ you, you mean... _haaah_...I don't usually..."

He lost his train of thought as Shepard grabbed the zipper to his hoodie in his teeth and shook his head back and forth, trying to unzip it.

"Do, uh...do you want help with that?"

Shepard rumbled a growl in his chest again, worrying at it like a dog shaking a toy. His steely blue eyes twinkled mischievously as they caught the smoldering brown ones. Kaidan kissed his forehead and reluctantly stood up, zipper tab falling from the commander's mouth.

"Use your words when you want something, John. D'you think you're an animal or something?"

He unzipped the hoodie and let it drop to the floor as Shepard gazed at him, heat behind his eyes. The nondescript t-shirt quickly followed the soft blue hoodie in the pile. Kaidan hooked his thumbs in the waist band of the pajama bottoms, letting his tattoo peek out from the top of the cloth. Shepard blew out a long breath, drinking in the image.

"How's this for using words? 'Are you tech support? Because my laptop has an issue that needs to be handled. Preferably with someone who is highly skilled and good with their hands.'" He pointed to the front of his boxer-briefs. "Sound like anyone you know?"

Kaidan fixed him with a 'look', brows furrowed in mock anger.

"You're so cute when you pout..."

"...are you actively trying to sabotage your chances here, John? Because you totally are."

Shepard gave an abrupt laugh and stood up. Kaidan sidled next to him and tugged his underwear down. The commander kicked it away and went over to the bed. He dug into the nightstand drawer, rooting around. Kaidan had to smile at the sight of Shepard in his undershirt and socks, not a stitch more of clothing. Somehow, it was absolutely perfect. He stepped out of the pajama pants and shoved them into the pile of clothes that had formed.

The commander found the small bottle he was looking for and turned around to find Kaidan completely nude. His breath caught in throat at the sight.

"Something tells me you're not going to find the answer to fixing the laptop in that drawer," Kaidan teased.

Shepard snorted as he moved next to his partner again, running a hand down his chest and following the soft trail of dark hair down. Kaidan's skin crawled with goosebumps. He pushed Shepard back into the chair and started to sit on his lap, but the commander stopped him, thumbs rubbing light circles in the hollows of his hips. The lube bottle was momentarily forgotten as he kept his eyes on the biotic's face as he traced the outline of the lotus with his tongue.

"Maybe I'm more concerned about my own laptop than that hunk o' junk over there..."

Kaidan's chest heaved at the sensation of warm breath ghosting over the slick lines John had painted on his hip. He pushed himself into the commander's lap, trapping himself against John's stomach.

"I'm sure there's something we can do to take care of it."

He reached behind himself and cupped John against his ass, rolling his hips in rhythm with his hand.

" _Hunnngggh_...you're killin' me, K..."

Shepard shoved himself to the edge of the chair, trying to enable himself some room to manouever. Kaidan gasped at the sudden motion as he was pitched forward against Shepard's chest. He sometimes forgot that Shepard had cybernetics and was stronger than he used to be; Kaidan didn't think it registered for John when he did something unusual. Kaidan wasn't necessarily easy to move; even out of his armor he was solidly muscled and stubborn to boot. He kept stroking John against him, feeling a bead of moisture form at the tip. He decided it was a bit exciting to get manhandled.

Kaidan cupped his free hand around John's neck, holding him close as they rutted. Shepard had managed to get the bottle of lube and coated his fingers. He covered Kaidan's hand with his own, gliding their intertwined fingers along his length. Kaidan moaned at the enhanced feeling the slickness gave.

"Uh, Commander?"

Joker's voice cut through the air like a knife. Kaidan groaned in exasperation this time, dropping his head on John's shoulder. The commander rubbed his cheek against Kaidan's, softly kissing it.

"Shhhh," he whispered, "Might be nothing."

"What is it, Joker?" Shepard answered in his normal 'Commander' voice, still moving their hands along himself. Kaidan latched his mouth on Shepard's collarbone to stifle the noises he was making, rolling his hips to meet their hands.

"We're getting hailed by Councilor Tevos. She's trying to set up a meeting."

"Can it wait? I'm sort of in the middle of something." He moved his hand off of Kaidan's and started stroking the major's cleft. Kaidan shuddered at the touch, thrusting himself backwards, wanting more. He stifled a moan into John's shoulder.

"I dunno, Shepard, she's being pretty insistent. She claims she wants to talk to you about Udina and the coup attempt."

"Half hour, Joker. That's all I ask." Kaidan scowled at him halfheartedly but quickly forgot as he felt Shepard's finger.

" _Mmmmfffph...John..._ " Shepard captured the sound with a kiss. Kaidan moaned softly again as their tongues glided against each other.

"...I'll do what I can, but – what was that?"

"What was what?" Shepard asked, trying and failing to hide his amusement. The biotic was back to trying to keep quiet by sucking on the base of Shepard's neck.

"Are you alone, Commander? I thought I heard Kaidan for a second."

Kaidan snapped his head up at that, glancing at Shepard. The commander had a diabolical grin on his face as he opened his mouth to answer. Kaidan immediately stuck his index and middle fingers in the wet heat. Shepard swirled his tongue around them, blue eyes twinkling as they met brown.

"Don't you fucking dare kiss and tell..." Kaidan breathed, slowly dragging his fingers away. Shepard winked at him.

"Yeah, I'm alone. Tell you what, make it an hour." He shifted himself in the chair again, pressing himself against Kaidan's entrance.

"What the hell am I supposed to tell the Councilor?" the pilot sounded exasperated.

"Tell her your commanding officer is currently indisposed and will be in contact to work out details in approximately an hour." He was proud of himself; he managed to keep his voice fairly steady as he slowly entered his partner. Kaidan's eyes were closed, panting shallowly, trying not to make any noise.

"Oooookay...she's not going to like that."

"And I don't like being interrupted."

"I thought you were still on duty."

"I _did_ schedule some down time, you know."

"Pfff...what's that? No, no, don't tell me. I might get jealous."

"You know, EDI can fly the ship perfectly fine by herself if you want to take a break." Kaidan grabbed Shepard's jaw and forced him to look at him.

"Really?" he mouthed, "I feel like I'm intruding on your conversation here." He ground his hips against Shepard's to emphasize his meaning.

"Gotta go, Joker..." Shepard said nonchalantly, then kissed Kaidan deeply, tongues moving together with the motion of their hips. He hefted the biotic up a bit to give his hand access to Kaidan; he slicked the major's own moisture down his length, swirling his thumb in a circle along Kaidan's slit.

"Oh, _fuck..._ " Kaidan couldn't help it. Shepard bit his lower lip in amusement.

"Dude," the helmsman sounded reproachful as he spluttered, "I just...that's just... _really_?"

"Something the matter, Flight Lieutenant?" Shepard's voice sounded a little strained. Kaidan was trying to muffle himself against the commander's neck, but it was getting harder for him to do so. Shepard had found his _spot_ and was working it mercilessly.

"Nope. Say 'hey' to the Major for me. You know, after you're, uh...finished doing. Whatever it is. That you're doing, I mean."

"Don't know what you're talking about, Joker. I'm finishing up another ship model. Kaidan's working on my laptop."

"...yeah. Sure...whatever you say, Commander."

Kaidan's body seized up as waves of pleasure overloaded his senses. A small biotic flare licked along his skin and spread to Shepard, causing him to curl his toes as he came.

"Aw, would you look at that..." Shepard said, slightly breathless, "I just got glue all over my fingers. Now they're all 'schticky'."

"...no. Just no."

"Must be why the keyboard on the laptop has a few keys that need to take a pounding in order to work. Privacy mode, please, EDI, I am not to be disturbed in my cabin for the next hour." The AI chimed acknowledgment and the comm went dead. Kaidan caught his breath, leaning heavily against Shepard's chest.

"You...are the _absolute_ worst," Kaidan huffed at him, kissing the tip of his nose. Shepard rubbed his back, hugging him close. Moments like these were few and far between; he wanted to imprint them in his memory as much as he could.

"Yeah, but you're 'schtuck' with me..."

Shepard laughed as he got another halfhearted smack on the back of his head. There was nowhere else he'd rather be.

* * *

A/N: Teehee...they, uh...they ran with it. And I let them.


End file.
